


Love, Unexpectedly

by NatiaRebmik



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Hope vs. Despair, M/M, Rogue One Spoilers, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:05:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatiaRebmik/pseuds/NatiaRebmik
Summary: Just a little drabble about my favourite Guardians, from Jyn's POV.Set during the flight between Jedha and Eadu, after Cassian's contact with Rebel base.“No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.” George Chakiris





	

**Author's Note:**

> Over 15 years since I wrote my last fic, so I may be a tad rusty!  
> These characters are just TOO good to leave alone!!

Jyn Erso sat staring at her hands. Since the narrow escape from the destruction on Jedha, they had developed a tremor that she couldn’t seem to stop. Just a slight one, which was almost imperceptible to the naked eye. But it was annoying, none-the-less. She gripped her right hand in her left, in an attempt to stop the shaking, and gritted her teeth so hard a pain shot through her jaw causing a whispered yelp.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID!!!

Why didn't she take the hologram chip wuth her? Why did she falter and forget that the Rebellion would want hard evidence? Why did she FAIL? Just like in everything that happened in her life?

STUPID!

Jyn didn’t know why she was casting blame on herself. It certainly didn’t improve her dark mood. So instead, she dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands. Pushing as hard as she could, until she could feel the biting sting of her flesh breaking. Then there was the faint coppery smell of her own blood. The warm slick was coagulating beneath her nails. As if momentarily sated, she unhooked her fingernails, and inspected the satisfactorily crescent shaped wounds in her flesh. A bright scarlet rivulet dribbled down her pale, left wrist, and vaguely encircled it like a bracelet. She very deliberately shook her head from left to right as if to clear it of the increasingly blackening fog, and smeared the fresh blood on her pant legs.

Jyn was vaguely aware of the whimpering, despairing figure of the Imperial pilot, (Bodhi she thought his name was), dragging himself along the floor. He muttered and moaned about Jedha, the message he'd delivered and the loss of his home. The pilot eventually came to rest on the grate over the engine room. To Jyn's right, the two guardians who they had collected on Jedha were huddled together, as if drawing comfort from each other. And in the cockpit, Cassian Andor and that smart-ass droid, were focused on their passage to Eadu. 

Nobody was talking. There was nothing to say. It was Eadu or bust. Their success or failure there would help determine the fate of the known galaxy, and this thought weighed heavily on Jyn's mind. 

*

An un-metered amount of time had passed by the time Jyn felt a sudden urge to sleep. She wanted purely to shut-down and ignore the immediate past. She certainly couldn’t think into the future any further than laying her head down and falling into a deep, catatonic state.

The pilot, Bodhi, had long succumbed to slumber and had retained his position over the engine room. An uncomfortable mattress, Jyn was sure, but he seemed soothed in his position, and had seen fit to cover his slight, shivering form with a utility blanket. Without acknowledging her presence, Bodhi had automatically burrowed down, disappearing within its folds.

The Guardians, Baze and Chirrut, were both still seated. Baze, had rested his head against the hard metal hull of the ship. He had removed his weapon and some of his armoury. His eyes were closed, his shoulders sagged slightly, and he breathed heavily. Jyn considered though that he was like some sort of wild animal that was always on edge, never truly relaxing. He just gave the illusion as such with a permanent snarl etched into his features. Jyn wondered if this was just all Baze, or if past events had made him this way. Chirrut also gave the air of being alert, but in direct opposition to his partner, he appeared to be completely relaxed. He was sitting bolt upright, his feet neatly together and his hands resting on his knees with purpose. However, he looked so serene and calm with not a care of the past or the future. He seemed intent in only addressing the here and now in a quiet and tranquil way. As if he accepted what was being offered to him, let it wash over him, absorbing it. His lips on his smooth, somewhat ageless face, moved almost silently repeating what Jyn only guessed were prayers and mantras.

Lying down on some storage crates, she pillowed her head with her hands. The self-inflicted cuts in her palms stung slightly, but she compartmentalised that pain far away in the recesses of her mind. Back there somewhere, where she always stored any self-inflicted wounds, both physical and psychological. Letting her eyelids grow heavy, Jyn felt herself succumb to sleep. Although she felt as lost and alone as ever, there was a strange comfort surrounding her for the first time in years. She couldn’t explain why, or what. Bodhi Rook’s occasional shuddering snuffles. Cassian Andor’s gentle snore from the cockpit, where he was stretched out in the pilot’s seat. The hum of the ship’s engines, the faint whoosh of the hyperdrive as they sped towards Eadu.

*

At first, Jyn wasn’t sure what had woken her. She didn’t wake with a start, but rather a slow drowsy crawl. Her body too weary to move, Jyn slowly let the brain fog clear trying to regain her senses. Her eyes flickered open ever so slightly, and attempyed to focus. A very slight whimper, followed by a moan came from within the cargo hold. This was followed by movement, and a heavy shuffle of feet. Jyn’s vision cleared more, and through lowered lashes she could make out the shapes of Baze and Chirrut; the former appearing to tend to the latter.

Chirrut hoarsely called out for Baze, a stricken look spread across his face.

Baze soothed him quietly, “Ssh. I’m here, Chirrut, I’m here,” he murmured over and over again. He wrapped his sturdy arms around the smaller monk, enfolding him into a protective embrace.

“It’s all gone! Baze, I can hear them all screaming! Crying out! It’s all gone! All gone! We couldn’t help them. They’re all gone. All gone.” His voice drifted away, tears staining his hollowed cheeks.

“I know,” Baze replied simply, his voice cracking ever so slightly. He held Chirrut tighter, pressing his slight frame hard against his own bulk. Chirrut in return gripped onto Baze’s flightsuit. His thin fingers white-knuckled, with the intense pressure of his grasp.

“Baze, Baze! All gone!” he sobbed quietly.

Jyn felt a fist of raw emotion in the very pit of her stomach, leaden and heavy. It made her feel strangely nauseous to see such an outwardly calm and meditative person, suddenly lose their resolve and composure.

‘What hope is there?’ she wondered to herself.

Baze held Chirrut until the sobbing gradually subsided. Then, he slowly broke their embrace, his hands held onto the smaller man’s forearms. Baze studied his partner’s face for a moment. Chirrut stared back blankly, his unseeing eyes not quite aligning with Baze’s soft gaze. Then, with such tenderness that belied his gruff exterior, Baze reached a hand up to gently wipe away the tears from Chirrut’s cheeks with his calloused thumb. The rough skin rasped against the finer complexion of his companion. Chirrut tilted his chin up slightly, his lips slightly parted as his breath became more even and controlled. Baze dropped his head, and gently rested his forehead against Chirrut’s. His nose gently brushed against the others.

The two of them sat like this for a handful of heartbeats. Jyn now watched transfixed. She suddenly realised that these two spiritual men, brothers and sworn protectors of the Jedi Temple, had a relationship that transcended a platonic love. She also realised that she had been holding her breath, and quietly but urgently exhaled before it caught in her throat, forcing her to cough.

Ever so slowly now, Baze and Chirrut moved even closer. They inhaled each other’s breath softly, before their mouths moved together. Their lips urgently pressed against each other, but yet the kiss seemed sweet and almost chaste. Chirrut reached up with one of his hands, to weave his fingers in his partner’s thick, wavy cascade of hair. His other hand gripped on tight to the fabric at Baze’s waist.

Jyn realised she’d been holding her breath again, and she quietly exhaled. She had suddenly felt awkwardly like a voyeur, and felt a blush rising from her neck, flushing hot. She closed her eyes, affording the two men some privacy. Well, as much as one can get on a U-Wing. After a minute however, she peered out again and could see that Chirrut and Baze were now just sitting, foreheads touching. Chirrut’s hand had untangled from Baze’s hair, and instead was caressing his rough cheek lovingly. Baze blinked slowly at Chirrut, he peered out from beneath heavy eyelids and afforded his partner a tender smile.

“Baze,” Chirrut’s voice was low and thick. “You are always there for me.”

“Wherever you go, I go. You’re all I have,” Baze rumbled gently.

Chirrut brushed his lips gently across Baze’s lips again. He then shifted to lie down, with his head cradled in Baze’s lap. Baze placed a protective arm over Chirrut, with his other hand gently stroking his hair. Both of the guardians closed their eyes, and returned to a still and peaceful slumber.

Jyn felt a calm wash over her. Having watched such a tender moment between her two new shipmates, in the midst of such darkness, turmoil and despair, had suddenly bought about an overwhelming feeling of peace. A sense of immense wellbeing settled over her like a warming blanket, as if the love between the two men was seeping throughout the cabin. There was still so far for them to go, and Jyn had no idea what lay ahead. However as she felt herself slip back into a dreamless sleep, she began to feel the faintest glimmer of indelible hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh! Finished it!  
> I realised how much I missed writing angst... more to come I guess.


End file.
